Sun & Moon · November 1977

The Woman Who Awakened My Sadistic Nature

Author: Shima Shikō Printed pages: 35–45 PDF pages: 35 –45

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私の嗜虐性を開眼させた女
志摩紫光

私のかつてのプレイメイトの一人、千津子は、私と知り合う以前に次のような「過去」を持っていたのである。

彼女は、三人姉妹の長女で、家は小さな大衆食堂をしていたことから、高校を卒業しても、他のクラスメートの様に就職の心配をする必要はなかった。そんな千津子に対してクラスメートは、「良いなあ千津子は、就職の試験で悩むことはないし、就職先を探す必要もないんだし、後は永久就職の口さえ見つければいいんだもんネ」と冗談交じりに冷やかしたりしたようである。

大衆食堂「丸屋」の前は高速道路の工事が行なわれており、昼食時を中心に夕食時迄、そこに働く工事人夫が交代交代で丸屋のノレンをくぐって出入りをしていた。しかも、道路の補修工事と違い、三日や一週間で終えることができる工事内容ではない。掘削、コンクリート打ち、杭工事の為の鉄骨組みと、分担された工事人夫は交代していくものの、工事責任者や監督者をはじめ、それに準ずる上の者は長い間変わることはなかった。

昔と違い、工事も機械化や近代工法を用いられるようになり、仕事は楽になってきたとはいえ、力仕事があることには変わりない。飯場や宿舎は寝るだけの空間しかなく、妻子ある者も無い者も、そこでは平等の独身者であり、性の発散はトルコ等に勤める商売女に依るところが多い。彼等の多くは鬱積するハケ口を酒や卑猥な話で気をまぎらわせるのである。そんな話の中に登場してくる女は過去において自分が経験した女であり、「こんな女優とやりたい」というような性交願望の女である。とはいえ、女優と交わることは不可能に近い上、本人達も本当にできるとは思っていない。が、そういう願望があってもよいはずではない。

丸屋を手伝っていた千津子は女優の誰に似ているというわけではないが、笑顔に魅力があって、長い艶やかな髪と小柄な体ながら健康的に発育した乳房や腰に女を感じさせたらしく、店に足繁く通わせ、話をするキッカケを作ろうという人夫や、気を引こうとしてわざわざ値の張る料理ばかりを注文する現場責任者などもいたようである。

中でも飯塚という現場責任者は、千津子の若さと小柄ながらよく発育した肉体に眼をつけて、「俺は人夫を使っている責任者なんだ。ただの人夫とは違うんだ」という大きな態度で、「近藤、おまえの受け持っているところは今どの位進んでいるんだ」「吉田、最近の仕事ぶりはなんだ、やる気がないんなら誰かと交代しろ」と店に現われるたびに声を上げて千津子の気を惹きながら、色目を使っていたようである。

飯塚は四十歳位で、人夫の責任者らしく航ったらしいが、店では悪戯をするわけにもいかず、事あるごとに隙を狙っていたらしい。

丸屋も休みの日曜日の夕方、彼女はクラスメートの家から帰る途中、車に乗っている彼に偶然出会ったのである。

「千津ちゃんじゃないか。これからどこへ行くんだい。家へ帰るんなら送ってやるよ」

と愛想笑いを浮かべながら、飯塚は運転していた車から降りて、半ば強引に彼女の肩に手をかけて助手席に乗せたという。

そのとき、千津子は一瞬、「乗ってはいけない。何かされそう」と直感的に感じたらしいが、ドアを手で開けて降りようとしても体の動きがそれに伴わず、躊躇している間に飯塚が運転席に座り、エンジンをかけて走り出してしまったのである。

もちろん彼女は不安になったけれども、「変な態度をとって飯塚を怒らせるのが、さらにこわかったし、それにもしかしたら、ほんとうに送ってくれるだけかもしれないし」と自問自答しながら、じっと助手席に座っているしかなかったようである。

そんな千津子を知ってか知らずか、しばらくは黙ったままで飯塚は夕闇の迫った街中を走らせながら、

「飯場の人間は荒っぽいが根は良い人間だよ。だが、世間のヤツは暴力団の人間を見るような眼つきで見てくるんだ。まったく頭にくるぜ。そうした眼で見られている人間同士というのは、そこらの人間よりも互いにかばい合って、助け合うのは当り前だと思っているから、兄弟のようなもんさ。ヤクザでいえば義兄弟の盃を交わしたのと同じだよ。わかるかい、千津ちゃんよ」

と言う彼の方を見ないようにして、千津子はフロントガラスを見つめたまま、一刻も早く家に着くことを祈るだけで、その間、車がどこを走り、どこへ向かっているのかを見る余裕も、知る気持ちもなく、ハンドバッグの柄を両手で握っているのが精一杯だったようである。

やがて彼は車を右へ曲がり、続いて曲がって建物の中へ入り、ブレーキの音高く止まったとき、「俺のいう通りにするんだ」という飯塚のドスのきいた声に一瞬、我に返ったものの、腕を掴まれたまま車から降ろされ、エレベーターである部屋に連れこまれた。薄赤い照明に、枕が二つ並んだフトンが棚の奥に見え、寝巻きが置いてある寝室の壁は鏡張りになっていたらしい。

部屋の鍵を降ろした飯塚はいきなり千津子の頬に平手打ちを食わせ、着ていたワンピースの背中のファスナーを一気に降ろし、シュミーズ一枚の姿にし、そのシュミーズとブラジャーを一緒に脱がせ、反射的に乳房を覆い隠した両手の動きを計算していたかのように、無防備になった下半身についているパンティを降ろすという早技、その手ぎわのよさは彼女に抵抗する余裕さえ与えなかったらしい。

そして、乳房と股間を隠してふるえている彼女に向かって彼は、

「おい、こっちを向け。どうだ、俺の体は。まだ若い者には負けんぞ」

と、服を脱ぎ捨てると、露出した肉体を見せつけながら千津子を敷布団の上に押しつけ、襲いかかってきたという。

八十キロ近い体重の飯塚にのしかかられて、必死に抵抗しようとした千津子は、更に平手打ちをかまされると同時に、飯塚の「死にたいか」の声を耳にした途端、もう何もかも観念して、彼の欲望のままに翻弄されるしかなかったというのである。

こういう過去を持つ千津子と私が知り合ったのは、友人を介してである。

高校を卒業して両親の店を経営する大衆食堂を手伝っている千津子は、必然的に友人の数も減り、恋人も欲しい時期になってはいたが、会社勤めとは違い同僚もいないし、訪れる客層も千津子にはふさわしい男がいなかったのである。

もちろん私にS的要素があることは、千津子を紹介してくれた友人も千津子も知る由はなかった。数回のデートを重ねるうち、直感的に「自分の思い通りになる女！」の印象を強めた私は、先に述べたような過去があったとはまた知らずに、自室でムードミュージックをかけながらモーションを起こし、こちらのペースへ引き込んでいった。

本来ならば、千津子を襲った飯塚のごとく強引に持っていくのが本当のSという方も居られるとは思うが、まかり間違えば強姦罪にもなりかねない上、順次調教していってこそ自分好みのM女がつくれると考える私は、オーソドックスな方法で千津子に迫った。

口づけから入り、ペッティングへと移行していったとき、「お願い、ちょっと待って」と言い、前述のような過去を私に打ち明けたのである。

話し終わって泣きながら「ご免なさい、ご免なさい」を繰り返す千津子を見ながら、「わかった。お前の過去はわかった。といっても、その過去は許されるものじゃないことは千津子も良くわかるはずだ。これから一年間、千津子は俺の言う通りになるんだ。それができればお前の過去は許そう。どうだ、一年間やれるか」の問いに「ハイ」と答える千津子に対し、

「よし、まずお前は今日、今から俺の奴隷になるんだ。俺のいうことは何でも聞き、逆らってもいかん。どんな無理でも聞くことがまず第一だ」

と千津子を服従させることに成功した。

「まず第一に、俺と会うときは全て前開きの服を着ること。第二にパンティは履かぬこと。第三に俺と二人きりのときは衣服を一切つけぬ事」

の三つを告げた。その三つを守らせることを誓わせた私は千津子の衣服をすべて脱がせ、充分愛撫をした上で、千津子が奴隷になった証拠にと、カメラを取り出し、千津子の全裸を撮り、さまざまなポーズをさせ、陰部も含めて千津子のすべてを撮り納めた。

これほど従順になれるかと思うほど従順な千津子だった。私の部屋から出るまで全裸のままの千津子に対し、「パンティ位は付けさせてやろうか」と愛用の綿の縄を取り出し、足を開かせたまま立たせ、腹にまず縄を巻き、千津子のヘソの部分から縄を縦にし、ヘアーの上を通してから恥部を押さえて、その中心へ縄が通るようにし、肛門の上を通して背中を通り、そしてヘソの上へ戻した。その後、腹へ縄をまわし、尻の上に通っている縦縄を締める意味でくぐらせ、次に腰骨のところを横にまわしてみた。

つまり、腹のところにかかっている縄と、恥部の中間に縄をまわしたことになる。これにより、縦縄が固定されるだけでなく、下腹部全体が締められる効果も生み、縄のパンティとしてのイメージが強く出る。更に両足のつけ根に縄をまわしてみると、より効果的になるのがわかる。この格好で部屋の中を歩かせたり、開脚をさせたり、まったく思いのままに視覚を満足させたものの、両手、乳房がそのままというのは調教にならないと考え、縄のパンティを解き、縛り直してみた。

大抵の場合、性交の為に裸になるのは自然の成りゆきから見ても恥じらいは大きくないものの、それ以外で裸にされた上、縄で縛り上げられ、開脚を強制され、恥部を晒すなど、女性にとって耐え難いはずである。にもかかわらず、私のなすがままに羞態を演ずることにさして抵抗するでもなく、従順に縛り上げられていく千津子の態度はいまひとつ、腑に落ちなかった。

しかも強制的に操を奪われてから長い月日が経過しているわけでもないのにかかわらず、これほど素直になれるものだろうか。更に、縄で縛り上げられるという、おそらく初体験であるにもかかわらず、股間縛りを兼ねた縄のパンティを施されても嫌がる風でもない千津子の姿態は、経験を積み、場慣れしているようにすら私の目に映った。

縄のパンティを解き、縛り直そうとしている束の間ではあったが、直感的にそう感じた私は、「まだ何か経験をしているはず、隠しているはず」と思うのも同時だった。

そう思った私は千津子に対する縛りに手加減をする必要も、刺激を与えずに少しずつ縄に慣れさせていこうとも考えなかった。

千津子の両手首を背中で重ねて縛り、両肘まで縄で巻きながら縛り上げた。それだけでも両肘が後ろに反り、二つの乳房は大きく晒されるように左右に引っ張られる。続いて両肘のところから二本の縄を首の両側にかけ、その縄を乳房の前まで絞りながら持ってきて、両乳房の下で左右に縄を分け、背中と肘の上を通し、再び乳房の下を渡した縄を背中を通して、今度は乳房の上を通して更に背中へ回し、もう一度乳房の上へ持ってきて、そこで二本の縄を交差させ、乳房の下の縄と乳房の上の縄を締め上げた。乳房が変形し、飛び出したような乳房の上で、乳首が固くなって、小さな突起が乳首の周囲に並んでいるのがわかる。

今度は別の縄を持ち出して、「トイレでするようにしゃがめ」と命令、ヨロヨロとしゃがもうとするのを、「さっさとするんだ」と強引にしゃがませ、左右の足を別々にしゃがんだままの姿で縛り上げ、その縄を千津子の首にまわしてから前に持ってきて、乳房を縛った縄に結んだ。この縛りは非常にキツい縛り方の中に入る。両手を手首から肘まで後手に縛られ、胸が反るようになっているところへ両足を膝から折り、縛れば上半身は前に屈もうとするのだから、縛りというよりも縛りを利用した責めになる。しかも恥部は隠しようもなく、晒されるだけで何をされようと拒否もできないのだ。

こうした姿に縛り上げた後で、不意に千津子の恥部を責めつけてみた。

「アウッ、ウッ」

と言ったまま唇を噛む千津子に、

「正直に言ってみろ。お前の体を知っているのは飯塚だけではないはずだ。まだ他に誰かいるんだ。言え、言うんだ」

の激しい詰問と同時に責める。逃れようと体を動かせば縄が喰いこむ責めは十分、二十分と続いた。この責めで二十分続けば持ちこたえた方だろう。それでも言おうとしない千津子が濡れているのをたしかめ、本責めにかかりながら、空いた両手で千津子の乳房と乳首を責めてみた。乳房を思いきり掴みあげてみたり、乳首を左右にひねっては引っ張り回す度に千津子のそこにグーッと力がこもって強く包んでくるのがわかる。

自分でも何でそんなことを感じ、問い詰めているのかはわからなかったが、直感的に感じたことだけに間違いはないと思っての責めは、千津子にとってキツいものだったに違いない。

憎さと愛しさは背中合わせという言葉を聞いたことがあるが、確かにその通りだと思う。千津子の姿は次第に苛立たしさを増すだけで、意地でもまだ隠しているであろう過去を白状させたい気持ちをつのらせることにほかならない。

縛られたままで仰向けにされた千津子の姿は全てを晒け出すだけで、顔は赤味を帯び、後手首は完全に血の気が失せていた。それでも縄を解こうとはしなかった。自分の過去の一部は告白したものの、後は言おうとしない千津子への気持ちは、本心から惚れただけに許せるものではなかった。

私は何となく残忍な気持ちへと転化していった。

名前は知らないが、ラジオやアンプのコードをつなぐのに一時的に使用する洗濯バサミの形状をした、柄が黒と赤の二種類の色があり、挟む部分がサメの歯のようなギザギザのあるものを持ち出してきて、千津子の前へ持っていき、眼の前で挟む仕草を繰り返し、

「これで挟まれたら痛いぞ。どうだ、素直に全部話してしまえば、このハサミは使わない。話さなければ千津子の乳房を挟むが、どうだ。素直に言ってみろ！」

と迫った。

千津子は言いたいが、でも言わない方が、というような表情をして、口を動かしただけで、声となっては出てこなかった。

それが何となく哀れを誘うような気がしたが、「好きだから、愛しているから、何でも話して欲しい。嘘や隠しごとはダメだ」という気持ちが、哀れさを押さえ、実行に移した。

自分の指に挟んだだけでも鋭く尖った歯は指の腹に食いこみ、ものの三十秒もそのままにしておけば、疼痛なんていう生易しい痛さではない。皮膚を食い、骨に食いこんでくるような痛さを覚える位なのだから、柔らかな乳首でも挟もうものならば、下手をすれば切れてしまうかもしれない感じさえするものだ。

ハサミの柄の方を持ち、ハサミの歯を見せながら乳首に置いた瞬間に千津子は眼をつぶり、長時間縛られているために血が通わなくなり、体を動かして縄の痛みから逃れようとしていた動きも止めた。

観念した！ そんな表情の千津子に異様なものを感じながらも挟んでみた。といっても柄の方を持つ指先には力が入っており、完全にハサミのバネが効いてはいなかったが、鋭く尖った歯が乳首の周囲に食いこんでいくのがわかるほどにしたのだから、痛みは激しいはずだ。確かに指の力を徐々に抜き、バネの力が効いてくると、千津子は歯を食いしばり、「ツーッ」という声も挙げ出した。

ギザギザの歯が乳首に食いこんでしまうと、さすがに耐えられない。

「言う、言う、言います。だから早く、早く取って」

と体をよじる。

「さあ、言ってみろ。俺は千津子を完全に自分だけのものにしたい。だから千津子の体の隅から隅まで、千津子の過去も、千津子の心全部、自分だけのものにしたいから聞くんだ。憎いからじゃない。逆に愛しいからこそ、こんなことまでするんだ」

と話すのを聞いた千津子は、

「実は、私のクラスメートの一人とつき合っているんです。好きな方ではないけど、向こうから積極的にくるものだから、拒みきれなくて、それで……でも、もうつき合わない。本当、本当よ」

「どこまでつき合ったんだ。千津子の全部を、そいつは知っているのか。どうなんだ？」

「何回位したんだ。どこでしたんだ」

「何回だ」

「そんなにしてないわ。本当です」

「何回だって聞いているんだ」

「三回」

「うそだ。もっと多いはずだ。はっきり、正直に言ってみろ」

「本当に三回です。うそじゃありません」

「わかった。信用しよう。もう今から、俺以外の男とはつき合うことは許さん。いいな」

「……ハイ」

「千津子は何で、飯塚とのことは俺に話しながら、そのことは話さなかったんだ」

「そこまで話して、嫌われるのが恐かったの。ごめんなさい」

後でわかったことだが、千津子は私と交渉を持った時に、「男をすでに知っていることを知られ、非処女であることによって嫌われ、去られるのがたまらなく恐かったし、飯塚とのことは予期しなかった出来事とはいえ、そこで処女を奪われたようにすれば、まだ救われると思ったから」と告白した。ずっと後のことだが、女の気持ち、女の計算を私は知った思いだった。

話は戻るが、そのときに私は千津子に対し、

「千津子が俺に対して嘘をいっていたことは許されることではない。その罰に、千津子は俺の奴隷として過ごすんだ。俺が良いというまでだ。わかったか」

「……ハイ」

そこで初めて縄を解き、責めから解放したわけである。

以来、千津子は本当に良く私の命ずるままに、何でもした。縄のパンティのまま一日間を過ごさせたり、乳房の周囲のみを支えるブラジャーのままでブラウスを着せて街中を歩かせてみたり、今でこそシースルーやノーブラも流行して、人目に触れることも少なくないが、その頃はまず目にしたことはなかった。それだけに街中では多くの人間が、「オッ」「ヘエーッ」「透けてるぜ」といろいろな言葉を聞けた。そうしたことですら、言われるままに、命じられるままにする千津子は、私にとっては大切な愛奴であった。

私が剃毛をしたのも千津子が最初で、石鹸をつけ、丁字カミソリで、思いつくままに周囲の陰毛から刈り、トランプのハート型に剃り、きれいにハート型に剃れたなと思い、湯をかけ、石鹸を落とし、乾くとハート型か何かわからなくなったこともあった。

そんなとき、「周囲を剃るだけでなくて、毛の長さを短くすれば、毛が横や斜めになって型がくずれることもないんじゃない」とアドバイスするほどの愛奴ぶりで、たしかに、ハサミで短く刈ると、ハート型は生きていた。それを鏡に写しては、「千津子はご主人様の奴隷です」と言い、私のいうままに振る舞う姿は満足できるものだった。

好事魔多しの例えではないが、半月ほど会うのに間が空いたとき、千津子の所へクラスメートの男性が現れ、「復縁したい」と迫り、その強引さに負けて、復縁となってしまい、結納までする運びとなったのである。

これには、さすがの私もショックであった。とはいえ、そこまで進んだ話を壊しても、と手を引いた次第である。

苦い経験ではあったが、千津子とつき合った二年余りの歳月は、思い出しても大胆な月日だったと今更にして感じる次第である。

そのうちに、調教中の出来事を思い出として描いてみたいと思う。

Draft Translation

The Woman Who Awakened My Sadistic Nature

By Shima Shikō

One of my former playmates, a woman named Chizuko, had the following sort of “past” before she met me.

She was the eldest of three sisters, and because her family operated a small, inexpensive restaurant, she did not need to worry about finding employment after graduating from high school as her classmates did. They would tease her jokingly: “You’re lucky, Chizuko. You don’t have to worry about employment examinations or search for a job. All you need now is to find an opening for permanent employment,” by which they meant a husband.

An expressway was being constructed in front of the family restaurant, Maruya. From lunchtime through the evening, laborers working on the project passed continually through its doorway in rotating groups. This was not a road-repair job that would finish in three days or a week. The excavation, pouring of concrete, steel frameworks for the pilings, and other stages meant that the ordinary workers changed as their portions of the job were completed, but the site managers, supervisors, and senior men remained there for a long time.

Construction had become mechanized and modern methods had made the work easier than in the past, but it was still physical labor. The workers’ camp and lodgings provided little more than a place to sleep. Men with wives and children and men without them were equally bachelors there. Many relied on commercial women working at Turkish baths and similar establishments for sexual release. They dispersed their accumulated frustrations with alcohol and obscene conversation. The women who appeared in their stories were women they had known in the past, or actresses with whom they wished they could have sex. They understood that actually having an actress was nearly impossible and did not seriously imagine it could happen, but there was no harm in entertaining such desires.

Chizuko, who helped at Maruya, did not particularly resemble any actress. Her smile was attractive, however, and despite her small frame she had long, glossy hair and healthily developed breasts and hips that made the men conscious of her as a woman. Some workers came to the restaurant repeatedly in hopes of finding an opportunity to talk to her. Site managers sometimes deliberately ordered expensive dishes in hopes of attracting her attention.

Among them was a supervisor named Iizuka. He had noticed Chizuko’s youth and her well-developed body. He behaved grandly, saying, “I’m the man responsible for directing the laborers. I’m not an ordinary worker.” Whenever he appeared at the restaurant, he would call out things such as, “Kondō, how far has your section progressed?” or, “Yoshida, what has happened to your work lately? If you aren’t serious, I’ll replace you.” He raised his voice to impress Chizuko and made suggestive eyes at her.

Iizuka was about forty and reportedly carried himself as befitted the man in charge of the laborers. He could not openly molest her inside the restaurant, however, so he apparently watched for any opportunity.

One Sunday evening, when Maruya was closed, Chizuko was returning from a classmate’s house when she happened to encounter Iizuka in his car.

“Isn’t that Chizu-chan? Where are you going? If you’re headed home, I’ll give you a ride.”

Smiling pleasantly, Iizuka got out of the car, placed his hand on her shoulder in a half-coercive manner, and put her into the passenger seat.

For an instant, Chizuko apparently sensed, “I must not get in. He may do something to me.” Yet when she tried to open the door and get out, her body would not follow her intention. While she hesitated, Iizuka sat in the driver’s seat, started the engine, and drove away.

Naturally she was frightened. Yet she reasoned with herself: “It would be even more frightening to behave strangely and anger Iizuka. Perhaps he really is only going to take me home.” She could do nothing but remain in the passenger seat.

Whether or not he recognized her fear, Iizuka drove silently for a time through the city as dusk approached. Then he said:

“The men in the labor camp are rough, but they’re good at heart. People outside look at us as though we belong to a criminal gang. It makes me furious. When people are looked at that way, we naturally protect and help one another more than ordinary people do. We’re like brothers. In yakuza terms, it’s the same as exchanging cups and becoming sworn brothers. Do you understand, Chizu-chan?”

Chizuko avoided looking at him and stared through the windshield, praying to reach home as soon as possible. She had no composure to observe where the car was traveling or even to think about its destination. She could only grip the handle of her handbag with both hands.

Eventually he turned, made another turn, entered a building, and stopped with a loud squeal of the brakes. “You’ll do exactly as I tell you,” Iizuka ordered in a threatening voice. That brought her momentarily back to her senses, but he held her arm, pulled her from the car, took her in an elevator, and brought her into a room. In the dim red light she could see a futon with two pillows farther inside, and sleeping robes had been set out. The bedroom walls were apparently covered with mirrors.

After locking the door, Iizuka suddenly slapped Chizuko across the face. He pulled the zipper down the back of her dress in one motion, stripped her to her chemise, and then removed the chemise and brassiere together. When she reflexively covered her breasts with both hands, he seemed to have anticipated the movement. With her lower body left undefended, he swiftly pulled down her panties. His movements were so practiced that they gave her no chance to resist.

Facing the trembling woman as she tried to cover her breasts and sex, he said:

“Hey, look at me. What do you think of my body? I can still compete with younger men.”

He discarded his clothing, displayed his naked body, forced Chizuko down on the futon, and attacked her.

Iizuka weighed close to eighty kilograms. When Chizuko tried desperately to resist under his weight, he struck her again. The moment she heard him say, “Do you want to die?” she gave up all resistance and could do nothing but be handled according to his desire.

I met Chizuko, the woman with this past, through a friend.

After high school she had helped run her parents’ restaurant. Inevitably, the number of friends she saw had diminished. She had reached an age when she wanted a lover, but unlike a woman working for a company, she had no coworkers, and the restaurant’s customers included no man she considered suitable.

Neither the friend who introduced us nor Chizuko had any way of knowing that I possessed sadistic tendencies. After several dates, my intuitive impression that she was “a woman who would submit to my will” grew stronger. Still unaware of the experience described above, I played mood music in my room, made my approach, and gradually drew her into my pace.

Some may say that a true sadist would act forcefully, as Iizuka had when he assaulted her. That approach could easily become rape, however. I believed that a woman should be trained progressively if she was to become the kind of masochistic woman I desired, so I approached Chizuko in an orthodox fashion.

I began with kissing and moved toward petting. Then she said, “Please, wait a moment,” and disclosed the past I have just described.

When she finished, she wept and repeatedly said, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Looking at her, I said:

“I understand. I understand your past. But you must realize that it cannot simply be forgiven. For the next year, you will obey everything I say. If you can do that, I will forgive your past. Can you do it for one year?”

Chizuko answered, “Yes.”

“Good. Beginning today, beginning now, you will be my slave. You will obey everything I say. You will not defy me. Your first duty is to obey even the most unreasonable order.”

In this manner, I succeeded in bringing her into submission.

I then gave her three rules:

“First, whenever you meet me, all your clothing must open in front. Second, you must not wear panties. Third, whenever you and I are alone together, you must not wear any clothing at all.”

I made her swear to observe these three rules. I removed all her clothes and caressed her thoroughly. Then, as evidence that she had become my slave, I took out a camera, photographed her completely naked, made her assume various poses, and recorded every part of her body, including her genitals.

Chizuko was so obedient that I wondered whether anyone could become that submissive. I kept her naked until she was ready to leave my room. Then I said, “Perhaps I’ll let you wear something like panties,” and brought out my favorite cotton rope. I made her stand with her legs spread. First I passed the rope around her abdomen. From her navel I ran it vertically down over her pubic hair, pressed it against her sex so that it passed through the center, carried it over her anus and up her back, and returned it above her navel. I then wrapped it around her abdomen, passed it under the vertical rope running over her buttocks so as to tighten it, and next carried it horizontally around her hip bones.

In other words, there was one rope around her abdomen and another crossing the center of her sex. This not only secured the vertical rope but tightened the entire lower abdomen and strengthened the impression that she was wearing panties made of rope. Passing rope around the roots of both thighs made the effect even more pronounced. I made her walk around the room in this condition and spread her legs, satisfying myself visually and doing exactly as I pleased. Yet I decided that leaving her arms and breasts untouched did not constitute training, so I removed the rope panties and began binding her again.

In most cases, becoming naked for intercourse is a natural progression and produces relatively little embarrassment. Being stripped for another purpose, tied with rope, forced to spread one’s legs, and made to expose the genitals should be extremely difficult for a woman to endure. Nevertheless, Chizuko offered little resistance as she displayed herself at my command and was tied obediently. Something about her attitude did not make sense to me.

Nor had a great deal of time passed since she had been forcibly deprived of her virginity. Could she truly have become this compliant? Even though this was supposedly her first experience of being tied, she showed no obvious aversion to the rope panties, which included a crotch rope. To my eyes, her posture almost suggested that she had accumulated experience and become accustomed to such situations.

It was only an intuition that came to me during the short interval in which I removed the rope panties and prepared to bind her again, but at the same moment I thought: “She must have had some other experience. She must be concealing something.”

Once I reached that conclusion, I saw no reason to moderate the binding or to familiarize her with rope gradually while avoiding strong stimulation.

I crossed her wrists behind her back and bound them. I wrapped rope upward to her elbows and drew them together. This alone pulled her elbows backward and stretched her two breasts outward, displaying them prominently. Next I ran two ropes from her elbows along either side of her neck. I brought them forward under tension, divided them beneath the breasts, passed them over her back and elbows, and again beneath her breasts. I then carried them over her back, this time passing them above her breasts, around her back again, and once more across their upper sides. There I crossed the two ropes and tightened both the ropes below and those above the breasts. The breasts changed shape and bulged outward. Her nipples hardened, and small projections appeared around them.

I brought out another rope and ordered, “Squat as though you were using the toilet.” As she unsteadily tried to lower herself, I forced her down, saying, “Hurry up.” I bound her legs separately in the squatting position, ran the rope around her neck, brought it to the front, and connected it to the ropes binding her breasts.

This belongs among the extremely severe forms of binding. Her arms were tied behind her from wrists to elbows, forcing her chest to arch backward. Her legs were folded at the knees, making her upper body want to bend forward. It was therefore less simple bondage than torment administered through bondage. Her genitals could not be concealed, and in this exposed condition she was unable to refuse whatever might be done to her.

After binding her in this posture, I suddenly attacked her genitals.

“Aah! Unh!”

Chizuko bit her lip. While tormenting her I questioned her fiercely:

“Tell me the truth. Iizuka cannot be the only man who has known your body. There must have been someone else. Tell me. Say it!”

When she moved to escape, the ropes bit into her. I continued this torment for ten minutes and then twenty. Anyone who could withstand twenty minutes of it was enduring a great deal. Chizuko still refused to speak. After confirming that she had become wet, I began the real torment and used my free hands on her breasts and nipples. I seized and lifted her breasts with all my strength. Each time I twisted her nipples in opposite directions and pulled them, I could feel the muscles of her sex tighten and grip strongly.

I did not myself understand why I felt as I did or why I questioned her, but because the impression had come to me intuitively, I believed it could not be mistaken. The resulting torment must have been severe for Chizuko.

I have heard it said that hatred and love stand back to back, and I believe it is true. The sight of Chizuko increasingly irritated me. My irritation only intensified my determination to force her to confess whatever part of her past she still concealed.

Turned onto her back while still bound, Chizuko could do nothing but expose everything. Her face had become red, while the wrists tied behind her had lost all color. Even then I did not release the ropes. She had confessed one part of her past but refused to reveal the rest. Because I had truly fallen in love with her, I could not forgive that refusal.

My feelings gradually became cruel.

I do not know the proper name of the object I brought out. It was shaped like a clothespin and was used temporarily to connect cords on radios or amplifiers. The handles came in black and red, and the gripping surfaces were jagged like a shark’s teeth. I held it in front of Chizuko, repeatedly opening and closing it where she could see, and said:

“This will hurt when it clamps you. Tell me everything honestly and I won’t use it. Refuse to speak and I’ll clamp it onto your breast. What will you do? Tell me the truth!”

Chizuko looked as though she wanted to speak but believed she should not. Her lips moved, but no voice emerged.

Her expression aroused my pity. Yet the thought, “I love you, and because I love you I want you to tell me everything. Lies and secrets are unacceptable,” overcame that pity, and I proceeded.

Even when I tested the clamp on my finger, its sharpened teeth dug deeply into the pad. If left there for thirty seconds, it produced something far beyond an ordinary ache. It felt as though the teeth ate through the skin and penetrated to the bone. On a soft nipple, it seemed that careless use might even sever the flesh.

I held the handles and showed her the teeth. The moment I placed them around her nipple, Chizuko closed her eyes. The movement with which she had tried to escape the pain of the rope also stopped, although her circulation had been restricted by the long binding.

Her expression said she had resigned herself. Although I found something uncanny in it, I applied the clamp. I kept pressure on the handles so that the spring was not yet exerting its full force, but I allowed the pointed teeth to bite visibly into the flesh around the nipple. The pain must already have been intense. As I gradually relaxed my fingers and allowed more of the spring’s force to act, Chizuko clenched her teeth and began to emit a drawn-out, “Tsssss.”

Once the jagged teeth bit into her nipple, she could no longer endure it.

“I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything. Please take it off. Quickly, quickly!” she said, twisting her body.

“Then speak. I want to make you completely mine. I want every corner of your body, your entire past, and your whole heart to belong to me alone. That is why I am asking. I do not do this because I hate you. It is precisely because you are dear to me that I go this far.”

After hearing this, Chizuko said:

“The truth is that I have been seeing one of my former classmates. I don’t particularly love him, but he pursued me so actively that I could not continue refusing him, and then… But I won’t see him anymore. Truly, I won’t.”

“How far has it gone? Does he know all of you? Tell me.”

“How many times did you do it? Where?”

“How many?”

“Not very many. Truly.”

“I asked how many times.”

“Three.”

“That’s a lie. It must have been more. Speak clearly and honestly.”

“It truly was three times. I am not lying.”

“Very well. I will believe you. From this moment on, you are forbidden to see any man other than me. Do you understand?”

“…Yes.”

“Why did you tell me about Iizuka but conceal this?”

“I was afraid that if I told you that much, you would hate me. I’m sorry.”

I learned much later what had been going through her mind when she first became sexually involved with me. She confessed: “I was terrified that you would discover I had already known a man, that you would dislike me for not being a virgin, and that you would leave me. Although what Iizuka did was unexpected, I thought I might still be forgiven if I made it seem that he was the one who had taken my virginity.” It was only long afterward that I understood what I regarded as a woman’s feelings and calculations.

Returning to the events of that night, I told Chizuko:

“You lied to me, and that cannot be forgiven. As punishment, you will live as my slave until I say that it is enough. Do you understand?”

“…Yes.”

Only then did I untie her and release her from the torment.

Afterward, Chizuko truly did everything I commanded. I made her spend an entire day wearing rope panties. I made her wear beneath her blouse a brassiere that supported only the circumference of her breasts, then walk through the city. Today, transparent clothing and going without a brassiere are fashionable and not uncommon sights, but at that time one almost never saw such things. Many people in the street reacted with comments such as, “Look at that,” “Well, well,” and, “You can see through it.” Chizuko obeyed even these commands exactly as I gave them, and for me she became a precious aidorei, a beloved slave.

Chizuko was also the first woman whose pubic hair I shaved. I applied soap and used a safety razor, beginning with the surrounding hair and shaping the remainder into the heart found on playing cards. I thought I had made a beautiful heart, but after rinsing away the soap and allowing the hair to dry, it no longer looked recognizably heart-shaped.

Chizuko herself advised me: “Rather than only shaving around it, wouldn’t it hold its shape better if you also shortened the remaining hair, so it cannot lie sideways or diagonally?” She had become such a devoted slave that she could give advice of this kind. She was correct. Once I trimmed the hair with scissors, the heart shape remained visible. She would look at it in a mirror and say, “Chizuko is Master’s slave.” Watching her behave exactly as I ordered was deeply satisfying.

Yet, as the saying goes, trouble attends good fortune. When about half a month passed without our meeting, the former classmate appeared and demanded that she resume their relationship. She yielded to his persistence. They reconciled, and matters progressed as far as a formal betrothal.

Even I was shocked. Nevertheless, the arrangement had already progressed so far that I withdrew rather than destroy it.

It was a bitter experience, but when I remember the more than two years during which I knew Chizuko, they now seem to me an extraordinarily daring period of my life.

Someday I hope to record additional incidents from the time of her training.

Publication Translation

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